There is a special bond between grandparents and grandchildren. Grandparents are the people who get to lovingly spoil the kids and then send them home with their parents for the hard work of parenting. Given this connection, what happens when a grandparent develops dementia?
What Do We Tell the Kids?
by Lynne Grip
There is a special bond between grandparents and grandchildren. Grandparents are the people who get to lovingly spoil the kids and then send them home with their parents for the hard work of parenting. Given this connection, what happens when a grandparent develops dementia? The exhibited behaviors can be confusing and frightening to children. How does a parent help explain what is happening and answer questions honestly and in a way the child can understand? The Alzheimer’s Association has created a “Parent’s Guide” to help address these challenges. The following is a brief summary. The guide also includes some common questions children have and possible answers to give them.
Children and teens experience a variety of responses to a family member with dementia. These responses can include sadness, curiosity, confusion, frustration, fear, worry, embarrassment, and resentment. All of these feelings, and more, are normal and may be difficult for a child to articulate. Instead, they may exhibit behaviors such as doing poorly in school, withdrawing, becoming argumentative, or complaining of not feeling well. With adolescence having its own set of challenges, teenagers may be especially vulnerable to the changes in their family. Getting a teen or child to talk about their feelings can be difficult in the best of times. Parents can help in several ways, including:
Keep lines of communication open. Be available to talk. Create opportunities for engagement.
Answer questions honestly in an age-appropriate way. If your answer is “I don’t know,” research the issue or consult with experts. Do this in partnership with your child, if possible.
Provide age-appropriate information about Alzheimer’s that is easy to understand. Encourage questions and feelings to be expressed.
Reassure the child that emotions, even when negative, are normal.
Prepare for possible changes and progression of symptoms and discuss how that could impact the family.
Teach the best ways to interact with someone with dementia. For instance, rather than asking, “Do you know who I am?” say, “Hello Grandma, I’m your grandson, Jack.”
Some possible activities to do together include baking cookies, coloring pictures, taking a walk, singing familiar songs, and watching television.
Reassure children that if the person with dementia is directing hurtful words or anger toward them, it does not reflect their true feelings. The disease of dementia is causing the behavior and isn’t personal or intentional.
Let your child’s school know about the situation so teachers and counselors can provide support.